Skip to main content
বাংলাSign inJoin the beta

Faith

Istikhara for marriage: what it is, and what it isn’t

Istikhara means "asking Allah for what is good". Many Bengali families pray it before saying yes to a proposal. Here is where it comes from, how it is done, and why it goes hand in hand with asking people you trust.

Last updated 20 October 20262 min read
On this page

Where it comes from

Jabir ibn Abdullah reported that the Prophet ﷺ used to teach his companions istikhara for all their affairs, just as he taught them a surah of the Qur’an (Sahih al-Bukhari 6382). It is for permissible choices — such as whether to accept a particular proposal — not for whether to do something obligatory or forbidden.

How it is done

  1. Pray two voluntary rak’ahs (not one of the five daily prayers), at a time when voluntary prayer is allowed.
  2. After the prayer, praise Allah and send blessings on the Prophet ﷺ.
  3. Say the du’a of istikhara, naming the matter — for example, "this marriage proposal from the Rahman family".
  4. Then carry on: talk to your family, make your enquiries, and decide.

Many scholars say you may read the Arabic du’a from a book or a phone. If you cannot yet say it in Arabic, many say you may ask in your own words. Ask a scholar you trust about your situation.

The meaning of the du’a

O Allah, I ask You to guide me to the good through Your knowledge, and to give me the ability through Your power, and I ask of Your immense generosity. You have power, and I have none; You know, and I do not; You know all that is hidden. O Allah, if You know that this matter is good for me in my faith, my life and how things end for me, then decree it for me, make it easy for me, and bless it for me. And if You know that it is bad for me in my faith, my life and how things end for me, then turn it away from me and turn me away from it, decree for me what is good wherever it is, and make me content with it.
From Sahih al-Bukhari 6382 (our translation of the meaning, not a substitute for the Arabic)

What istikhara is not

  • A dream is not required. The hadith mentions no dream and no sign. Sleeping straight after it in order to "see" an answer is a custom, not part of the Sunnah.
  • It is not a vote. Feeling nervous afterwards does not mean "no", and feeling calm does not guarantee "yes".
  • It is not a replacement for checking. Pray, and also do the family enquiries, the video call and the questions before marriage.
  • It is prayed by the person deciding. Asking someone else to "do istikhara for you" is common, but the hadith teaches each person to ask for themselves. Parents can, of course, pray for their children.

Istikhara and istishara go together

Scholars often say: ask Allah (istikhara) and ask people (istishara). The Qur’an praises believers "whose affairs are settled by consultation among themselves" (42:38), and told the Prophet ﷺ himself to "consult them in the matter" (3:159). Talk to your parents, an elder you trust, an imam — and then decide, trusting Allah with the outcome.

After istikhara

Move forward with what seems best after praying and consulting. If the matter becomes easy, many take that as a good sign; if doors keep closing, that too may be an answer. You can repeat istikhara if you are still unsure.