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For parents: finding a match for your son or daughter online, safely

Parents have always helped their children find a good match. Online, the same care needs a few new habits. This guide is for you — the mother, father, brother or uncle doing the searching.

Last updated 20 October 20263 min read
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Why public "patri chai" posts are risky

Posting a son’s or daughter’s photo and phone number in a big Facebook group feels quick. But a public post can be copied in seconds and stays online for years:

  • Photos are saved and reused on fake profiles, sometimes in other countries.
  • Phone numbers attract strangers, harassment and scam calls.
  • Scammers read these posts to learn exactly what a family is hoping for — then pretend to be it.
  • Your son or daughter may not even know the post exists. That alone can damage trust at home.
A safer habit: share a short biodata without a photo or phone number, only with families you know of, and send the rest after both sides show interest. Our biodata guide shows what to leave out.

What "verified" should mean

Many sites and marriage media say "verified" without saying what they checked. Always ask: verified how? On KobulKabin, every badge names exactly what was checked:

KobulKabin verification badges
BadgeWhat it means
Phone verifiedThe member proved they own the phone number
Real personA live selfie with a random gesture, matched to their photos
ID verifiedAn NID, passport or licence checked against the selfie by our team

Even a verified profile is a person you have not met. Verification says the person is real — not that they are right for your family. Your own enquiries still matter. See how verification works.

Islam makes the bride’s and groom’s own consent a condition of marriage (see the wali in marriage). In practice, the searches that go best are the ones done together:

  • Ask your son or daughter what matters to them before you start — and listen to the answer.
  • Share profiles as suggestions, not decisions.
  • If they say "not for me", accept it kindly. A no today keeps the door open for the right yes.

Spotting a fake profile

  • They avoid video calls, or the camera is always "broken".
  • The story changes: job, city or age do not match from one call to the next.
  • They push to move quickly, or to talk only on WhatsApp or imo.
  • They will not let their own parents speak to you.
  • Money comes up in any form: a visa fee, a hospital bill, a parcel stuck at customs, an "investment".

One of these alone may be innocent. Two or more is a reason to stop and ask questions. Our guide to marriage scams explains the common patterns.

Guardian mode, step by step

  1. Your son or daughter creates their own profile and invites you, using your phone number or a WhatsApp link.
  2. You open the invite. The guardian screens are in Bangla by default, with large text.
  3. You see your child’s daily matches and the interests they have accepted, and — if your child chose that level — you can suggest profiles.
  4. At that level you can also keep private notes for your child ("good family, ask about the job").
  5. If your child makes you an active guardian, you can send interests for them and join chats when they invite you.
You will never be able to accept a proposal on your child’s behalf, or read private chats you were not added to. That is by design: it keeps their trust in you — and in us.

What it costs

Guardian mode, reporting, blocking and verification are free for everyone. During the closed beta, Premium is free as well. See pricing.

If something goes wrong

If you are threatened, asked for money or pressured, stop replying and report the profile. In an emergency in Bangladesh call 999; for violence against women and children, the national helpline is 109. For other countries see where to get help.