You are not alone
In the 2021 census for England and Wales, about 12,800 people of Bangladeshi heritage aged 25 to 44 were divorced, separated or widowed — and women outnumbered men by about two to one. Behind every number is someone hoping for a kind, steady second chapter.
The iddah, briefly
After a marriage ends, a woman observes a waiting period (iddah) before she remarries. The Qur’an sets it out:
| Situation | Waiting period | Reference |
|---|---|---|
| Divorced, after the marriage was consummated | Three menstrual cycles | 2:228 |
| Divorced, and no longer or not yet menstruating | Three months | 65:4 |
| Pregnant | Until the child is born | 65:4 |
| Widowed | Four months and ten days | 2:234 |
| Divorced before the marriage was consummated | No iddah | 33:49 |
During a widow’s iddah, the Qur’an allows a proposal to be hinted at respectfully, but not agreed (2:235). For the details of your own situation, ask a scholar you trust.
Telling your story, on your terms
- Say it plainly in your biodata: "Divorced · 1 child, lives with me" or "Widowed". Honesty at the start saves pain later.
- You do not owe anyone the full story of why a marriage ended — not in a biodata, and not at a first meeting.
- When you do talk about it, speak about what you learned, not about your former spouse.
Children first
- Talk about your children early. The right person will want to know them.
- Introduce someone new to your children only once things are serious, and slowly.
- Agree how decisions about the children will be made — including with their other parent, where that applies.
Privacy from people you know
Many people worry about being seen by a former spouse’s family, or by gossiping relatives. On KobulKabin you can hide your profile from specific countries or cities (your home district, for example), keep photos blurred until you both accept, and pause your profile at any time.
Legal checks — for both of you
- In Bangladesh, a divorce should be registered. Under the Muslim Family Laws Ordinance 1961, a husband’s talaq must be notified to the local Chairman and does not take effect until 90 days after that notice. Ask to see the registered divorce papers.
- In England and Wales, a religious divorce does not end a legal marriage. The court divorce ends with a final order (called a decree absolute before April 2022). Until then, the person is still legally married. See is a nikah legal in the UK?
- Elsewhere, check that any earlier marriage was legally ended in the country where it was registered.
Red flags
- "I am separated, the divorce is just paperwork" — with no date and no documents.
- A man who is still married and plans a second marriage in secret. In Bangladesh, he needs written permission from the Arbitration Council first.
- Pressure to marry quickly "because you are divorced and should be grateful".
- Anyone who treats your children as an obstacle.
On KobulKabin, "already married" is a reason anyone can report, and our trust and safety team reviews every report.